Why Parents Get Grey Hair

A boss wondered why one of his most valued employees had not phoned in sick one day. Having an urgent problem with one of the main computers, he dialed the employee’s home phone number and was greeted with a child’s whisper.

“Hello.”

“Is your daddy home?” he asked.

“Yes,” whispered the small voice.

” May I talk with him?”

The child whispered, “No.”

Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, “Is your Mommy there?”

“Yes.”

“May I talk with her?”

Again the small voice whispered, “No.”

Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, “Is anybody else there?”

“Yes,” whispered the child, “a policeman.”

Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee’s home, the boss asked, ” May I speak with the policeman?”

“No, he’s busy”, whispered the child.

“Busy doing what?”

“Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman,” came the whispered answer.

Growing more worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter through the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, “What is that noise?”

“A helicopter” answered the whispering voice.

“What is going on there?” demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive.

Again , whispering, the child answered, “The search team just landed the helicopter.”

Alarmed, concerned and a little frustrated the boss asked, “What are they searching for?”

Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle: “ME.”

There go the Dividends…

From the Washington Post:

Alaska Gov. Frank H. Murkowski yesterday ordered a state-government hiring freeze and worried over whether the state has enough heating oil or funding for social services as Alaskans braced for an economic crisis brought on by the sudden shutdown of oil production in Prudhoe Bay.

Oil company BP ceased most operations Sunday after a heavily corroded pipeline was discovered dripping oil. The closure is costing the state $6.4 million a day in tax revenues and royalties, and some officials estimate it could be six months before 16 miles of pipes are repaired and the pipeline is running at full capacity.

Nearly 90 percent of the state’s revenue comes from the oil fields, and Alaska’s revenue commissioner says the state can operate for about two months before running out of money.
90% of revenue from oil fields! There is no way that they couldn’t forsee this scenario occuring one day.

When I lived in Alaska, we got a “Permanant Fund Dividend” from the reserves that were left after all the bills had been paid. One year, I received over $1800! I guess that will go bye the bye….they might even have to start paying (GASP!) state taxes…

The Birth Order of Children

Your Clothes:

1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN confirms your pregnancy.
2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.
3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes.
_____________________________________________________

Preparing for the Birth:

1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously.
2nd baby: You don’t bother because you remember that last time, breathing didn’t do a thing.
3rd baby: You ask for an epidermal in your eighth month.
______________________________________________________

The Layette:

1st baby: You pre-wash newborn’s clothes, color-coordinate them, and fold them neatly in the baby’s little bureau.
2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and discard only the ones with the darkest stains.
3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can’t they?______________________________________________________

Worries:

1st baby: At the first sign of distress–a whimper, a frown–you pick up the baby.
2nd baby: You pick the baby up when her wails threaten to wake your firstborn.
3rd baby: You teach your three-year-old how to rewind the mechanical swing.
______________________________________________________

Pacifier:

1st baby: If the pacifier falls on the floor, you put it away until you can go home and wash and boil it.
2nd baby: When the pacifier falls on the floor, you squirt it off with some juice from the baby’s bottle.
3rd baby: You wipe it off on your shirt and pop it back in.
______________________________________________________

Diapering:

1st baby: You change your baby’s diapers every hour, whether they need it or not.
2nd baby: You change their diaper every two to three hours, if needed.
3rd baby: You try to change their diaper before others start to complain about the smell or you see it sagging to their knees.
______________________________________________________

Activities:

1st baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics, Baby Swing, and Baby Story Hour.
2nd baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics.
3rd baby: You take your infant to the supermarket and the dry cleaner.
______________________________________________________

Going Out:

1st baby: The first time you leave your baby with a sitter, you call home five times.
2nd baby: Just before you walk out the door, you remember to leave a number where you can be reached.
3rd baby: You leave instructions for the sitter to call only if she sees blood.
______________________________________________________

At Home:

1st baby: You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby.
2nd baby: You spend a bit of everyday watching to be sure your older child isn’t squeezing, poking, or hitting the baby.
3rd baby: You spend a little bit of every day hiding from the children.
______________________________________________________

Swallowing Coins (a favorite):

1st child: When first child swallows a coin, you rush the child to the hospital and demand x-rays.
2nd child: When second child swallows a coin, you carefully watch for the coin to pass.
3rd child: When third child swallows a coin you deduct it from his allowance!

Today is a New Day

My son recently turned 4. He wanted two things for his birthday: 1. All the cars from the movie “Cars” and 2. The movie “Chicken Little”.

Well, he didn’t get all the cars from the movie, but only because we haven’t been able to find them all – apparently, they are in high demand and KB toys just can’t keep them in stock, Target won’t keep them, and Wal-Mart couldn’t care less about keeping them in stock. He DID receive the movie “Chicken Little”. Even as I write this, he’s in the living room watching that movie for about the hundredth time since we bought it for him. (Now, don’t start thinking I let the tv babysit my kids…it’s not even 8 in the morning yet and he only woke up to watch that movie!)

Here’s the problem. He thinks Chicken Little is real. He wants to be JUST LIKE Chicken Little. He sings the theme song over and over throughout the day. The words go something like, “One little slip….yadda yadda yadda”, but he INSISTS they say, “One little SHRIMP..” Who am I to argue?

He has asked me to buy him some green glasses, a green striped tee shirt, and dark brown shorts “just like Chicken Little”. He doesn’t realize that CL’s outfit would most likely be the featured outfit on TLC’s show “What Not to Wear”. It’s so cool to him. I love that about him…not afraid to embrace being different. Different is normal for him…THAT’s cool to me.

Recently, he told me, “Mom…I loooove Chicken Little”. I said, “I know, son.” Now if I can just get the words to that theme song down…

Tell Me About Your Faith and I’ll Tell You About Mine

My husband is a Creation Science Speaker and it seems we cause some sort of controversy where ever we go.
For those of you who may not know what creation science is, it is the belief that the world was created in 6 literal days between 6,000-10,000 years ago.
Remember that we all (creationists and evolutionists) are dealing with the same ‘evidence’, but that we interpret it in different ways based on our presuppositions. In other words, it depends on where you place your faith.
If you’re interested in what I believe, click here for a terrific article on where the proof for creation is.
Now, without any judgment or criticism, I’d really like to know where all of you stand on this issue. One favor, though…please read the above article before you reply if you are an evolutionist, just so you know where I’m coming from.

Body Image

It seems like every where I look recently, there’s an article or a blog or a photo to do with body image. Which brings me to this…I’m not really happy with my body as it is.
There. It’s out there. I’ve said it. I have loved every minute of all three of my pregnancies, and I know I should be oh so happy with the tiger stripes and saggy boobs that pregnancy and breastfeeding for 5 years has left me…but sadly, I’m uncomfortable in this new body. I’m learning to get used to it. But there are still awkward moments … Like when my husband, well, you know… Or when I’m in a business meeting with a lot of folks that are hip and in shape – I’m the only one out of style, with grey hair and fat rolls! The only really GREAT thing, and I mean REALLY GREAT thing…is that my husband and kids love me for who I am. I know he’s not just saying that either. He really loves my postpartum body — fat rolls, stretch marks, saggy boobs and all. I read somewhere that “Men love all breasts in a sort of idiotic and genial way, but the breasts they love most are attached to women they adore.” I like that sooo much. ‘Cause it’s true. I just wish I could love my body the way he does.

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