You Know You’re A Homeschool Mom When…

~Author UnknownWhen a child busts a lip, and after seeing she’s okay, you round up some Scotch tape to capture some blood and look at it under the microscope.

You find dead animals and actually consider saving them to dissect later.

Your children never, ever leave the “why?” stage.

You look at every room in your home to try and imagine how to squeeze in another bookshelf.

You turn your china cabinet into book shelves.

When your teenager decides to take one community college course, and comes home and asks you why the teacher wrote “At” on his paper. (A+)

You ask for, and get, a copier instead of a diamond tennis bracelet for your wedding anniversary.

Your kids think reading history is best accomplished while lying on the floor with their head resting on the side of their patient dog.

Your husband can walk in at the end of a long day and tell how the science experiment went just by looking at the house.

You never have to drive your child’s forgotten lunch to school.

Your child will never suffer the embarrassment of group showers after PE.

The only debate about the school lunch program is whose turn it is to cook.

You never have to face the dilemma of whether to take your child’s side or the teacher’s side in a dispute at school.

If your child gets drugs at school, it’s probably Tylenol.

Your neighbors think you are insane.

Your kids learn new vocabulary from their extensive collection of “Calvin & Hobbes” books.

Your formal dining room now has a computer, copy machine, and many book shelves and there are educational posters and maps all over the walls.

You have meal worms growing in a container….on purpose.

If you get caught talking to yourself, you can claim you’re having a PTA meeting.

Talking out loud to yourself is a parent/teacher conference.

You take off for a teacher in-service day because the principal needs clean underwear.

You can’t make it through a movie without pointing out the historical inaccuracies.

You step on math manipulatives on your pre-dawn stumble to the bathroom.

The teacher gets to kiss the principal in the faculty lounge and no one gossips.

Your honor student can actually read the bumper sticker that you put on your car.

If your child claims that the dog ate his homework, you can ask the dog.

Someday your children will consider you to be a miracle-working expert and will turn to you for advice.

Your kids refer to the neighbor kids as “government school inmates.”

You can’t make it through the grocery produce department without asking your preschooler the name and color of every vegetable.

You can’t put your produce in your cart without asking your older student to estimate its weight and verify its accuracy.

You live in a one-house schoolroom.

Ah…a Clean House and a Day off with the Hubby…

So as you all know, I’m the perpetual procrastinator. Say THAT three times really fast.
You would almost think that I came up with the old motto “Why do today what you can put off until tomorrow?” Yes, I’m that bad. If it’s a project I have no interest in, or it’s cleaning…I put it off until I’m going completely nuts living in or around it.

Saturday, I was being lazy and just surfing the net…couldn’t leave my little corner of the world or I might see the chaos of the rest of the house. Never mind the kids had made a half-hearted attempt at cleaning (which really just meant, “here…let me smear that grape jelly so far into the fibers of the carpet you’ll NEVER get it out!”) or that my husband was getting off work at 11 p.m….I simply was not motivated.

Until I went to a function at our church. We were in the midst of a missions conference this weekend and it ran from Friday-Sunday night. Very cool getting to meet missionaries from all over — we had five families in and each was from a different country – Africa, Madagascar, Ireland, England, and Nehru. We even invited one of them to come over to our house on Sunday after the am service.

Which brings me back to my original subject….I cleaned my house after church Saturday night. The kids and I dragged in around 9 pm and after I got AJ and Abby bathed…Katie and I kicked some housecleaning bootay and got it done before dad got home at 11:15. Except for the folding of the laundry…which can just be thrown on our bed and the door closed. That’s what I’m doing today….folding laundry, my LEAST favorite household chore.

Isn’t it amazing what you can accomplish when you have the prospect of someone else possibly seeing how you live? Yeah…you don’t like it…you even hate for your husband to see it that way…but you and the kids…you could live in it like that for a bit….but you’d NEVER want anyone else to see the pigsty-i-ness of it all.

I think I need the pressure of company to really and thoroughly clean your home properly….either that, or your computer needs to go on the kaputz.

Six Degrees of Separation

Courtesy of Wikipedia: Six degrees of separation is the hypothesis that anyone on Earth can be connected to any other person on the planet through a chain of acquaintances with no more than five intermediaries.

Okay…so you’re probably wondering how I might “possibly” be linked to Country Superstar Sara Evans. Well, I’m not. But thanks for the six degrees of separation, I can claim that I am only ONE link away from her!

My story:
I grew up in a very small town in Alaska called Homer. Homer is on Kachemak Bay and was a central hub for A LOT of the fish processing (salmon, king crab, shrimp, etc) that took place in the state. Every summer, the locals would be bombarded by kids from the lower 48 (our town’s population would swell from 5,000 in the winter to over 10,000 in the summer) and tourists from all over the world. Imagine a 5 mile long peninsula trying to hold almost half of those folks! It was called “tent city” in those days. Here’s the Homer Spit. Here’s where I went to High School (it has nothing to do with my story…it’s just cool).

Anyway…on with the story. My best friend Dina and I had been working here for the last 4 summers and were tired of the charter industry (long hours and not so great pay). So…we decided to join the rest of the “spit rats” (the people who dwelled on the spit for the summer) and go to work at a cannery/processing plant. So we went to one that was just opening up and applied. We spoke with an older gentleman named Frank Schelske and after asking us a few questions, he decided we weren’t felons (which wouldn’t necessarily have prevented our employment…it was simply prescreening, you understand) and so we were hired on the spot (not always a good thing). We were told to come back the next day at 7 am for our first day of work and to have a pair of chest waders, heavy duty gloves, and some really thick, cushiony socks on. Oh…and lunch. They would supply the fish. All in all, we were pretty unimpressed – of course, being single, 19-year olds, we were hoping that there would be lots of good looking California guys there (there were none)…mostly, there were tired bearded had-one-too-many-last-night and haven’t-taken-a-shower-in-a-week kind of guys there applying.

So we showed up the next morning…decked out in our sexy chest waders that made us look like we were trying out for the German Women’s Olympic Fish Processing Team. The first thing we noticed when we walked in the door was that they were having some sort of meeting in the back of the plant (it was only 6:50, people!) and so we walked back there to find out what was going on. This next bit is sort of like a 1920’s comedy bit…imagine if you will: as soon as we got to the back, every one that was back there turned around and filed around us without a word and walked to the other end of the plant. Dina and I just looked at each other. So we started off towards them. When we got to THAT end, they again turned…but I stopped them by saying, “What…do we stink or something?” was followed by a smattering of uncomfortable laughter, but it broke the ice…apparently, they were waiting for the “big bosses” to come out and were telling a dirty joke and didn’t want us to hear….that was when we realized there were about 40 men and 2 girls. Us. And no more. Jeepers Creepers. They were, in their own way, protecting us.

When the “big bosses” finally came out of their meeting in the office, it took everything I had not to have to pick up my jaw off the floor. Out of the office walked three of the most gorgeous men I had ever seen in my life…at least up close. Three sons of the owner….all Oregonians…all going to be there for the summer to run the plant with their dad. Suddenly, things were looking up. Dina and I were singled out by them immediately – the men were told that there would be absolutely NO sexual harrassment…(can you actually expect 40 men NOT to say crude things working on a slime line? I think not).

The boys were the Schelske brothers…all in their early 20’s and all single. Dina and I spent the summer learning more about them and finding every reason in the world to work overtime. :o) We spent a lot of time listening to them sing their music after work (they were the founders of a band called North Santiam) and learning to play the drums and do vocal harmonies. It was probably one of the best summers of my life. I had a secret crush on Craig, although he never showed any interest in me….but he was by far, the nicest and best looking. :o) He’s the one pictured in the center of the band’s website….the other two guys were not in AK and only one of them is a brother. I STILL have my autographed picture of them, because I was SURE they would make it big in country music one day. One of them did…sort of.

To make a long story short…the band moved to Nashville in the early 90’s. Craig met Sara Evans and the rest is history. They have been married for 13 years this Monday Sept. 25th. Funny thing is…I’ve never been sad about it. She’s a beautiful girl and he’s a wonderful guy…maybe next time the voters in Oregon will get some sense and vote him into Congress!

Mind Games

Check out the following exercise, guaranteed to raise an eyebrow or two… Theres no trick.. or suprise. Just follow these instructions, and answer the questions one at a time and as quickly as you can!

what is:

1 + 5

2+4

3+3

4+2

5+1

Now repeat saying the number 6 to yourself as fast as you can for 15 seconds. Then scroll down

QUICK!! THINK OF A VEGETABLE! then arrow down.

You’re thinking of a carrot, right? Wierd eh?

Things My Mother Taught Me…

1. My mother taught me to APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
“If you’re going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning.”

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
“You better pray that will come out of the carpet.”

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
“If your don’t straighten up, I’m going to knock you into the middle of next week!”

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
“Because I said so that’s why.”

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
“If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you’re not going to the store with me.”

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
“Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you’re in an accident.”

7. My mother taught me IRONY.
“Keep crying and I’ll give you something to cry about.”

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
“Shut your mouth and eat your supper.”

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
“Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!”

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
“You’ll sit there until all that spinach is gone.”

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
“This room of yours looks like a tornado went through it.”

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
“If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a million times. Don’t exaggerate.”

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
“I brough you into this world, I can take you out.”

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
“Stop acting like your father!”

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
“There are millions of less fortunate children in the world who don’t have wonderful parents like you.”

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
“Just you wait until we get home!”

17. My mother me taught about RECIEVING.
“You are going to get it when you get home!”

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
“If you don’t stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way.”

19. My mother taught me ESP.
“Put your sweater on; don’t you thinkI know when you’re cold?”

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
“When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don’t come running to me.”

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
“If you don’t eat your vegetable, you’ll never grow up.”

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
“You’re just like your father.”

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
“Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?”

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
“When you get ot be my age, you’ll understand.”

25. My mother taught me JUSTICE.
“One day you’ll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!”

Satuuuuuurrrrdaaaaay….

Okay. So I know I’m supposed to be cleaning my house right now.
Sunday’s a comin. And I haven’t folded the laundry, washed the dishes or done diddly-squat.
Did the fly-lady super fling boogie and all I have left to show for it is a messy house.
Did I mention there are purple grape jelly stains on my carpet?
Oh…and when I moved the couches to look under them for toys…you don’t EVEN want to know what else I found.
I really need to clean. The compulsion to do it is there…it’s just not as strong as my overwhelming compulsion to read other people’s blogs today. After all, what better to do on a rainy, gray day than to sit in front of the pc and surf blogs?

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